Interview: Adam Green – the creator of Victor Crowley.
Posted in June 7th, 2008 by The Bludgeoner in Interviews

Ask me what I think of Adam Green I’ll reply with two words – “fucking legend”.

Adam Green is the creator & director of the insane horror film Hatchet and co-director of the very disturbing Spiral with one of Hatchet’s stars Joel David Moore.

Adam Green was nice enough to take the time out of what seems like a very busy schedule to answer some questions in great detail and is even nice enough to repost this interview in his blog with a link to HorrorMovieFans!

Enough intro – check out this interview with the creator of Victor Crowley himself, Adam Green-

1. Victor Crowley, a legend from the beginning. What do you see for the future of this amazing character?

I purposely left a lot of information about Victor Crowley out of HATCHET as I always intended for there to be sequels and I wanted those sequels to actually propel his story. For instance… why is he deformed? Is he a ghost or did he never really die? Where was his mother growing up? What was up with that look he shared with Marybeth in the middle of him killing Shawn with the shovel? Do they know each other? There’s a lot more to him that will be revealed, and I’m excited because it was all planned out from the very first draft.

When there is a HATCHET 2 or 3- they will be films that actually count. They won’t just be “Victor Crowley kills new tourists”. The first one was a tremendous success for Anchor Bay and we have been going back and forth for months trying to figure out how to best go about doing the sequel. Unfortunately, my schedule is now so jam-packed that in order to get HATCHET 2 completed and out there for the fans quickly enough- there’s a chance I may have to pass the torch to someone else. Ideally I’d love to stick with the HATCHET series as it’s mine and I love it dearly, but not if it means that I’d have to half-ass a film because I couldn’t fully dedicate my life to it or do it the right way. HATCHET fans are extremely passionate and so many of them are personally attached to not only the characters, but the people behind the scenes who made it happen (thanks to that amazing UNRATED DVD package with all of those documentaries). I want those fans delivered to. I want everyone who loved and supported HATCHET to get what they deserve when the sequel happens. Not something that’s thrown together with no soul because the title “HATCHET 2” alone will make some distribution companies richer. So if it’s not me at the helm, you can bet it will be someone whom I personally think can deliver the goods.

In terms of tone, I went very heavy on the comedy the first time around as it was my way to set the film apart from generic slasher films and to try and inject some life into characters that are typically just a ‘body count’ in this genre. But as you could tell from the bleak and ‘what the fuck?’ ending of the first one… things are going to get a lot darker. If I write and direct the next one, you can bet my sense of humor will still be there in places- I mean, come on… we’re dealing with a deformed madman who uses things like a gas powered belt-sander to kill people! But it’s heading into a dark and twisted place, no doubt.

2. Which horror movie first got you into the genre?

I think the first one that my older brother ever showed me was FRIDAY THE 13th PART 2. But oddly enough, it was the films I sought out immediately after that one that really developed my love for the genre. For instance, John Carpenter’s THE THING was a marvel of movie making that had me dissecting the actual production (“how did they do that?”) and it really started whetting my appetite for potentially making a horror movie some day when I grew up.

It’s the same for a lot of people my age. You start with the slasher films. But then the addiction kicks in of wanting to find a movie that will actually SCARE you and you search far and wide in the video store. It’s like drugs- always trying to beat that first high. You search long and hard, you uncover a ton of turds, and then all of a sudden you find THE SHINING and you rejoice in the afterglow of shitting in your pants and you say “YES! That’s what I was talking about!” Or you find THE EXORCIST and you are never the same. For me personally though, my holy grail or horror is still Carpenter’s HALLOWEEN. One of the few flawless films ever made and it STILL stands the test of time. I know every word, I watch it several times a year, and it gets better every time.

3. What is your favorite horror movie kill?

Oh man, that’s tough. John Buechler’s “sleeping bag” kill in FRIDAY THE 13th PART 7 was always the reigning champ until they tried to re-hash it in JASON X and ruined it’s cool factor for me. Check Russell’s “human puppet controlled by veins” in NIGHTMARE 3 is an all-time classic, too. Most recently I really dug Joe Lynch’s “body split in half” at the opening of WRONG TURN 2 and Ryan Schifrin’s “face-bite off” in ABOMINABLE. Those are all deaths that make me want to cheer and they didn’t rely on bad CGI to pull them off.

But is it bad if I also say “Mrs. Permatteo in HATCHET”? I mean, I could try and be cool and keep throwing out other movie kills- but I’m sorry. That whole one-shot head torn in half with no CGI is one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen done- even if it is in my own movie. It’s one of the very first things I thought up for HATCHET back when I was just a little kid and to see it realized on the screen is just a boner-inducing experience every time. I could rip HATCHET to shreds around that scene- but for those 10 seconds at least, I am always at ease when watching the movie.

4. What is your favorite band?

That’s even tougher. At this point, after 30 years of listening to music and going to concerts, I have narrowed it down to 5. TWISTED SISTER, METALLICA, AEROSMITH, MARILYN MANSON, and GUNS N’ ROSES. But I will tell you this- I have never missed a MINISTRY show when they were anywhere nearby. It is a godly experience. Thankfully, last month’s show here in Hollywood is supposed to be part of their “farewell tour”. I sincerely hope that they don’t ever come back because I don’t know how much longer I can sustain the abuse. Every year I go and I say that I will hang towards the back and just watch…and every year I come home bloodied and bruised up for days.

5. At a concert – mosher or stadium seats?

I never really know. I actually prefer to be seated slightly far away from the stage so that it SOUNDS right. For instance, I’ve seen AEROSMITH in the front row a few times now, and as cool as it is to have Steven Tyler spitting all over you- you can hear Joey Kramer actually hitting his drums- and then the sound of his drums through the amps a split second later…and it’s tough to follow.

I also like to be able to move from side to side of the stage. For instance if I am at a TWISTED SISTER show- there are songs I want to be on front of Mark Mendoza for (like when he beats the shit out of his bass on “Shoot ‘Em Down”) and songs that I want to be in front of J.J. and Eddie for (like “The Price”).

I’ve seen MARILYN MANSON in the front row enough times to never have to do it again. It’s just too much “bare dude ass” in the face for me. Now I try and hang towards the middle, especially when they launch into “Great Big White World” which is still one of the greatest live songs of all time. I’ve seen MANSON over 20 times now and that song still gets me right in the heart.

When it comes to moshing, I always say I am not going to do it. But much like MINISTRY shows- I don’t keep my word. I went to GWAR last year and came home covered in purple shit and wearing only my jeans and one boot. I have no idea where the rest of my clothes went. All I know is that my girlfriend made me change outside before I could come in the house. Depending on the band, I can come home pretty beat up sometimes.

It’s also gotten weird now that people tend to recognize me. At an AEROSMITH show, the chances of being seated next to a fan are slim to none. But at a GWAR show in Hollywood? It’s not as easy to blend in and it can get annoying fast once the sweaty dude next to you is like “Holy shit! Are you the HATCHET dude?” I just say my name is Bob Balls and I have no idea what he is talking about.

Sometimes it works.

6. Favorite place or way to party?

I feel like I am away from home so much that when I do get time off I prefer to stay on the couch or just go to the movies 4 or 5 times a week. I invested in the most bad-ass home theater stuff they make and I put it to damn good use. To me, when I can shut off the phone and just watch movies alone with my girlfriend- I’m enormously content. Though I hate to admit it, I’ve even become quite the XBOX gamer and I’ve been known to spend up to 8 hours at a time on Halo with my friends. There’s this whole circle of writers, actors, and directors who are on-line almost nightly- and no, I’m not giving out any gamer tags!

I know for some people it’s a let down to hear, but I’m actually not much of a partier in terms of going out or drug intake. For my 30th birthday, I was given so many bottles of booze it was ridiculous. And 3 years later- almost every single one is still in my bar, un-opened. In fact, aside from the basics like having some drinks or the occasional smoke- I’ve never even tried any serious drugs. And I’ve had fans actually get HURT when they hear that. They’re like “Say it isn’t so! You’re the guy who made HATCHET and you don’t even do [insert drug here]?!” I’ve got 2 things to say to that. First of all, why do you care what I put in my body or not? And second of all, I never admired artists/musicians/directors/writers who tried to sell their drug use off as a defining thing that makes them “cool” or something that makes their work better. I’ve got a lot of young fans and if I can be a positive example- that’s great. I don’t knock it, I just chose not to do it. (And if I DID, I probably wouldn’t celebrate it publicly or brag about it.) That being said- I’ve seen HATCHET with audiences that were completely stoned or drunk…and man is it fun. Our last night at Tribeca- there was a cloud of pot smoke over the line of kids waiting to get in. It was at that point where we all sorta knew the movie was working.

What’s funniest about this subject is that we have this whole “Fright Club” of horror directors/actors/writers who hang out on a fairly regular basis. People are always like “Holy shit- I’d love to be invited to one of those parties- it must be crazy!” It’s so not. We all meet up, go support whatever horror movie is out that weekend (even if we know it isn’t good or if we have already seen it), and then…I don’t know…play ROCK BAND? Don’t get me wrong- it’s not like we’re completely straight-edge or anti-everything…it’s just not a big part of our scene. (Or if it is…I’m too oblivious to know it.)

Though the parties and drugs may not be as glamorous as people like to assume, I will say that we horror filmmakers have some damn fine girlfriends/wives. How these beautiful girls wound up with such a motley crew of dudes is beyond me. And in every case, it was well before we ever had any success. I guess hot chicks just dig geeks.

When I’m touring and doing conventions or festivals- I’ll make the best effort I can to go out, do it up, and hang-out all night. In fact, one time I remember being at a bar in Dallas and realizing I was sitting with 6 of the dudes who played “Jason”. I wanted to tell the waitress but I assumed she wouldn’t believe me. On the flight back from that convention I was sitting amongst all of the Jason’s, some Hills have Eyes mutants, Elm Street victims, Victor Crowley, 2 Leatherfaces, Candyman, Freddy…it was surreal.

But at those weekend conventions- as soon as I feel uncomfortable or like I am getting cornered and interviewed by a fan- or even worse, solicited with their pitches or ideas- I flee. So remember that. If I wind up hanging with you and your buds at 4am at a horror convention drinking beers and telling stories- don’t ruin it for everyone else by trying to hand me your screenplay or asking me personal questions about my girl.

Lastly, how’s this for lame- I’ve probably hung out with James Gunn 4 or 5 of the weekends for the past 2 months. You’re probably like “holy shit- that must be crazy! Green and Gunn!” But what do we do? Eat cheese, maybe drink some wine, and tell funny stories to whoever else is around that given night and isn’t tired of listening to us yet.

When Dee Snider and I went ‘out on the town’ in San Diego at Comic-Con- we went out for ice cream. Have I ruined the dream enough for you all yet? This is fame, folks.

7. James Gunn – what a genius – what did you think of Slither?

SLITHER is one of my favorite movies of the 2000’s and is America’s biggest cinematic shame in the fact that so many horror fans didn’t show up for it. Yeah, you guys will go see fucking PROM NIGHT or WHEN A STRANGER CALLS in droves- but something as massively entertaining as SLITHER or GRINDHOUSE and you “fans” are too busy standing in-line for the next remake to come out and support it.

When I do appearances I like to call “fans” out on their bullshit. I’ll ask “who in this auditorium saw THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2?” and all of these hands will shoot up. Then I’ll say “Who here supported BEHIND THE MASK when it was in theaters?” Not a hand will remain in the air- and it will be in a city where the movie was most certainly available and playing. They’ll try and give me bullshit excuses like “There were no TV commercials” or “I didn’t know”…you know what? For the majority of America- yes, you are right. Anchor Bay does not advertise their films like the major studios do- so yes, the average movie-goer does have an excuse. But if you paid over $100 for a ticket to a goddamn horror convention and you are sitting there in your “FULCI LIVES” T-shirt- you have no excuse that you “didn’t know BEHIND THE MASK was out”. You’re either a poseur or a sell-out. Don’t complain about the state of horror on your precious message boards if you’re one of the ones contributing to what the studios are doing.

Guess what folks- they don’t keep hitting you with PG13 remakes because they LIKE them. They keep making them instead of original R-rated horror because YOU keep supporting them. All they want is your money. The fans control what gets made. Remember that the next time you line-up for a cheesy remake that you know will suck. You’re pulling the switch on the gas chamber of our genre.

8. I have to ask – what do you think of Platinum Dunes and their films?

Platinum Dunes are a good bunch of guys and I actually think they have made some really good films. Here’s why I can say that- they don’t pretend to be anything they are not. They openly admit that they are making their fortune on the remake craze and they are cashing in while they can- and I can respect that because they really do try and put a lot into their films. The TEXAS CHAINSAW REMAKE? I loved it. FRIDAY THE 13TH? I’m looking forward to it! I am not anti-remake at all. Where I draw the line is when the rest of us can’t get a fucking original movie green-lit simply because it doesn’t have a “pre-packaged title that fans will definitely pay to see” according to the studio’s research.

The rejection I got from a major studio for the script for HATCHET that said “we love this, but unfortunately it will never get made because it’s not a remake, it’s not a sequel, and it’s not based on a Japanese one” sums it all up. In fact- I put it on the festival poster for HATCHET because I thought it was a great statement about the state of our genre and I thought that it was a great way for the movie to wink at itself and let the audience know in advance that it had a sense of humor.

But Platinum Dunes is trying and they do actually care about the movies they are putting out. Yes, so far it’s all remakes- but at least they try and make them worth it which gives me faith that when they dive deeper into originals- they’ll hit a few home runs. The bottom line is- because of all of the financial support the fans have given the remakes…they will continue to be made. NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET? Sorry folks, it’s getting made whether we like it or not. And if Platinum Dunes came to me tomorrow and asked me to do it- I would. I’d rather gamble on myself trying to do it justice than anyone else out there- and I know at Platinum Dunes it wouldn’t be a heartless joke. They’re gonna try to do the best they can. And don’t lie- even if DREAD CENTRAL and AIN’T IT COOL and BLOODY-DISGUSTING all condemn it…even if you spend 20 hours a day on your message boards saying it’s gonna suck…you’re all gonna go see it.

9. What cartoons did you watch growing up?

I spent 90% of my time playing with my Star Wars toys when I was a kid. TV didn’t do much for me. But I still love Tom & Jerry to this day. How awesome is it when Tom does that specific yell? You know, like when he burns himself or drops something heavy on his foot? But goddamn do I HATE it when they are friends! Whatever TV exec came up with that idea needs to be shot. It’s like you’re enjoying yourself some violent cat and mouse action, and then all of a sudden they’re FRIENDS for an episode? Fuck off.

One of my favorites that few remember were the Mighty Heroes. It was a short cartoon that showed up during Mighty Mouse every so often. I had a punk band in the mid 90’s called THE MIGHTY HEROES PART 2. We had songs like “Hairless Rats”, “Stabbing At My Bleeding”, and “Now I’m Naked.”

10. Who is your favorite director (horror or non/horror)?

Steven Spielberg- hands down, across the board, no question. It may be cliché since he’s pretty much everyone’s favorite director in my age group, but the man is responsible for so much of who I am and the film’s that shaped my life. Not only is he the man who made E.T. (my favorite movie of all time and the reason I make movies today) but he’s also always presented himself as an honorable and tremendously good “soul”. That’s who and what I want to be.

Others who have hugely influenced me are Alfred Hitchcock (probably the most talented filmmaker of all time) and John Landis because he was able to cross genres and cross them WELL. If I could have the career that Landis has had and get to jump from comedy to horror to drama…I’d be one happy filmmaker.

Ideally I just want to make what I feel like making and never be put in a box where I can only be allowed to do one thing. That’s why you’ve seen me be very careful with my projects. I followed up HATCHET immediately with SPIRAL- a night and day difference. My next film is a ROMANTIC COMEDY. Sorry folks- I gotta do what I want. There’s plenty of more horror coming eventually though.

11. What is generally the most difficult part of a film shoot?

Getting to the point of shooting. Every movie has it’s pitfalls on set, but if you can actually get to the point that you are standing there shooting your film and the coffee on set is hot…? You are one in a million. Even if you have a great script, a good track record of films behind you, and a name actor attached- you still have to jump through flaming hoops to get to the point of shooting.

The development process can feel as if you are walking through landmines. Here you have your vision and your goal- and then everyone just gets in your way and tries to put their own imprint on it or stop it from moving forward. It’s like football. You have the ball and you run it into the end zone. Maybe you’ll make it and score a touchdown, but chances are you’ll take some major hits and get some unappealing bruises along the way in. Very few running backs get a flawless run from one end of the field to the other.

The major flaw in the system is that the “suits” who make the financial decisions are not filmmakers. They are people who went to business school and who got into their positions by answering enough phones for enough people to eventually get promoted to “development executive”. I’ve met plenty who don’t even LIKE movies anymore. And these are the people making the crucial calls in Hollywood!

If you can navigate all of that and still keep your vision somewhat in tact- you’re in a great place. When it comes to the shoot- you just do the best you can with what you have. If you only have a few days to shoot and a little bit of money- embrace it and do what you can. To stand there and whine that you don’t have enough time and money is just lame. You’re getting the chance to make a movie, dude! Do what you can and try and enjoy the process!

The biggest hurdles and problems are all in getting the movie up and running. But no one talks about those issues. When you watch the special features on a DVD, they show you how they shot stuff…not the years and years of struggling to get it made. The meetings where nothing gets accomplished, the conference calls where 10 people talk over each other but say nothing, the deals where you get completely ripped off, the times that you were lied to and the movie never even got shot, different links in the chain that all lie to you about how much money they have actually made or spent, and the endless waiting for things to move. That’s where the true frustration lies.

Or what about when the producers want you to direct a movie for them- but the studio executive says “no” because this movie is a comedy and your last movie was a horror movie. OK- so you’re telling me I can pull off 7 hour shoot days, with no money, make-up FX, fire stunts, under water shots, boats, kids, animals, at night in a parking lot I turned into a swamp…see it through to win awards, get rave reviews, get a theatrical release…have it make a shit load on DVD…but that I couldn’t possibly manage to direct a 10 million dollar movie where cute people say cute things in front of the camera? Oh no, that makes total sense.

Development is wicked hard.

12. Where is Adam Green heading for the future? Any new projects up your sleeve?

I just produced a horror film called GRACE that newcomer Paul Solet wrote and directed (in theaters in 2009), I am currently writing the animated AQUAMAN movie for D.C. Comics/Warner Brothers, and I am in pre-production on my romantic comedy GOD ONLY KNOWS which Chris Columbus’ 1492 Pictures is producing with my company ArieScope Pictures.

As if that’s not enough to kill me- I just finished a new horror screenplay that I can’t talk about yet, I’m attaching myself to a really fucked up horror movie that I can’t discuss yet, I am negotiating HATCHET 2 which I can’t discuss yet, I’m working on a top secret horror project with some other horror heavy hitters, and I’m also doing some short films on the side for fun. One of which includes a full-on light saber fight between my girlfriend Rileah Vanderbilt (“Young Victor Crowley” in HATCHET) and Clare Grant (“Valerie” from VALERIE ON THE STAIRS). Hot.

So basically I’m heading to either the hospital or the asylum with a nervous breakdown. But this is how I like it. What was the name of the Ozzy album? NO REST FOR THE WICKED? Or was it NO MORE TEARS.

I’ll take both.

A very big thanks to Adam Green for taking the time out to do this interview for HMF.com – it’s most appreciated. You can check out Adam Green’s most entertaining and informative blogs @ http://www.myspace.com/ariescope.

Last month I was up in Canada where a movie I was producing (GRACE) was shooting. When I first got word that we would be shooting in Canada I was really excited as my stops for HATCHET in Montreal and Toronto were some of my best memories of my “Blood and Belt Sanders World Tour ’07”. But then they told me that we would be shooting in Regina (pronounced like “vagina”). Though my first reaction was to correct the person telling me this (“don’t you mean…Regeena?”) unfortunately for me and the few thousand people who live there…it is in fact pronounced like “vagina”. So after numerous jokes with my friends about me shooting in ‘Regina’ I was on my way. I woke up early, got my bags all packed and even fully shaved my face for the first time in years. (I figured I’d try the clean shaven look, not to mention the fact that I was hoping with a fresh start- I would be able to make the whole shoot without having to shave once.) So with my face full of open cuts and painful slices… I kissed Rileah goodbye, gave the cats a solid patting, and left.

Now, I can’t leave the house without bad shit happening to me. As many of you may remember reading in my various blogs about flying… it never goes like it should. Whether it’s a little girl smacking me in the face repeatedly with her doll, a Hassidic Jewish boy vomiting profusely into clear ziplock freezer bags in the seat next to me, or hearing groans and having hand lotion shot all over my arm from the seat in front of me… me and flying just don’t mix. But this time- the bad badness found me before I even got on the fucking plane. In fact- I wasn’t even fully off of my front step.

It’s important to note that I live in a nice section of Hollywood in a residential area by the entrance to a popular canyon/dog park. In almost 8 years of living in this area I have never once been hassled by a homeless person or been made to feel nervous by anything happening in the local vicinity. So you can only imagine the horror on my face when a man who looked like a cross between a USA For Africa commercial and Zelda from PET SEMETERY came charging up to me at full speed screaming “HELP ME, GOD!”

At this point in the story I would like to take the time to acknowledge my brave limo driver who not only dropped my luggage but actually did his Ben Johnson 40 yard dash back into the limo to hide and lock the doors. Thanks, man. I had it covered.

I look at this poor distraught man and thought “what the fuck do I do?” I assumed that by the way he was running and screaming that there must be something far worse coming behind him. Perhaps a robber? A serial killer? A team of rabid Nazi squirrels? No… it was way worse.

“Hello, Sir.” He said through panted breathes. “My name is ______ and I am a homosexual man living with full blown AIDS.” Instantly my heart went from fear to absolute agony for this poor man. He looked like a skeleton, he was sweating profusely, and his eyes were wide with terror. I asked him what he was running from and what was wrong. “As you can see…” and he turned around … “I am bleeding profusely from the rectum and I need to get a prescription filled at Rite Aid immediately.” Down the back of his pants- fresh blood had collected.

NO, I COULDN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP.

“Please, Sir- I need help! I’m going to die!”

So I asked him- “What do you need?” He held out a doctor’s prescription for some pretty pricey medical suppositories. “I need enough money to cover this prescription. I live with my grandmother and she has left town and didn’t leave me any money. I can’t even get into the house.”

Thankfully when I travel, I keep a lot of cash on me. So I took out my wallet and handed him what he needed. His desperation turned to relief and in his joy, he then grabbed me in a bear hug, jumped up and down, and yelled “thank you, oh God, thank you!” He pressed his face against mine, tears in his eyes.

Now, before I completely ruin this touching moment, let me just cut back in time about 25 minutes and remind you of the open cuts ALL OVER MY FACE AND NECK. Now I know the chances of getting any sort of disease through sweat/cuts/contact are pretty much slim to none… but that doesn’t mean that I want to risk it. To be completely honest, I’m a fairly stand-off guy when it comes to physical affection from strangers. I don’t like people I don’t know touching me, hugging me, or kissing me. It’s one thing when a female fan wants to hug me at an appearance, kiss me on the cheek, or pose for a picture with their arms around me… not a problem. But I’m not a huge fan of sweaty dudes dry humping me, whether it be at a horror convention or on the street in front of my house… let alone distraught, sweaty AIDS victims with blood all over themselves. For those that have met me at appearances or conventions, you’ll notice that I even leave the bottle of anti-bacterial lotion right out there on the signing table. It’s not because I think you’re dirty… it’s because I have to shake a lot of hands at each appearance, I fly on planes for long stretches, and I stay in random hotels every night that I am doing the convention circuit. I just don’t want to get sick or pass it on to every fan who comes up for an autograph. It’s just the sanitary thing to do.

So yeah… I sorta freaked out and politely pushed the man away. And of course… he took great offense.

“Sir, it’s not like you can get AIDS from me hugging you!”

“No, that’s not it!” I explained. “It’s just that I’m not a big fan of strangers touching me- I’m weird like that. Just not a real affectionate guy. I didn’t mean any offense!” But in my head I’m thinking: YOUR SWEAT IS NOW ALL OVER MY FACE, ARMS, AND NECK! DON’T YOU SEE THE HALF DOZEN OPEN WOUNDS ON MY SKIN YOU ASSHOLE!?

I apologized up and down and told him he didn’t need to thank me. Just to take the money and go take care of himself and that I wished him luck.

He ran off down the street, holding the back of his pants, yelling: “You’re a good man, Sir! Good karma is going to come to you!”

I got in the limo.

“Everything alright out there?” Said my brave driver.

“Thanks for fucking nothing, douchebag.” I said.

He saw the vast amounts of sweat all over me. “Would you like… a towel?”

“YES. I’D LIKE A FUCKING TOWEL.”

And I was off on my way to the airport.

On my way I texted Joe Lynch. “YEAH. SO. I PRETTY MUCH HAVE AIDS.” He got on WebMD and this was his texted response: “IT SAYS THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT UNLESS YOU HAD AN OPEN CUT ON YOUR FACE OR SOMETHING.”

Mint.

So I fly into Calgary where I am supposed to transfer to another flight into Regina. I wait through a 2 hour layover- desperately just wanting to get to my destination and shower/change my clothes. But when I finally go to board the plane, I am stopped by the attendant.

“Sorry sir, this flight is actually overbooked now and you won’t have a seat on it. We’ll get you out tomorrow morning at 7am, if that’s OK with you.”

OK?! NO- NO THAT IS NOT OK! CAN’T YOU SEE I HAVE FUCKING AIDS ON MY FACE YOU DUMB FUCKING FLIGHT PERSON!? HOW DO I NOT HAVE A SEAT BUT THE REST OF THESE PEOPLE DO?

I politely asked: “But… I really need to get there tonight. Why don’t I have a seat?”

She responded: “Well this is just how we operate on Air Canada. Most flights are overbooked.”

WELL THEN- AIR CANADA CAN EAT MY ASS.

I hung my head. I mean, what was I to expect? An easy, relaxing travel experience? Of course not. I got ready to find a hotel or to just suck it up and sit in the airport all night long.

But then…

“Sir… you can take my seat. I don’t need to fly out tonight. I can wait until tomorrow.” An old man stepped forward and INSISTED that I take his seat on the plane!

Karma had come to find me!!!!

I arrived in Regina where I was met by one of the local Producers. I was excited beyond belief to get to the hotel and take a shower. But apparently, I had forgotten that they didn’t put me in a hotel for this show… they had rented me my own house. Sure, that sounds awesome- but only until the Producer said goodnight and left me there… alone.

That’s when I discovered that this house had a basement. Now, I have very few rules in life, but one of them is FUCK BASEMENTS. Nothing “good” has ever happened in a basement. In fact, more often than not, basements are a breeding ground for evil and sin. I don’t like them. Some people can appreciate a good basement- I am not one of them.

So I showered and went right to bed. Everything was going great until about 15 minutes later when I could hear the floor boards creaking throughout the house. I wrote about this in a previous blog- but I was pretty much convinced that the souls of dead children were climbing out of the evil basement and looking for me. After all- the only houses that get RENTED are houses that no one wants to live in because of “what happened” there… in the BASEMENT! I know some of you are thinking “but don’t you make horror movies? ” YES. And that’s precisely why I am so good at scaring the living shit out of myself when left alone. Some day I’ll tell you about the deformed old man who stands over my bed at night- or the time that my dead eight-year-old self jumped on me in the middle of the night… but this blog is already obscenely long and we still have to cover Moose Jaw.

The next morning I got up, having slept a total of 15 minutes and having lost my voice from screaming out “DAMN YOU TO HELL DEAD KIDS, YOU’LL NEVER GET ME!” all night long. I showed up for the production tech scout with black circles under my eyes and AIDS all over my face.

From that point on, the shoot was pretty much status quo. But then the production rolled into Moose Jaw.

Moose Jaw is sort of like a college town… with no college in it. The local crew that we worked with and the folks that we interacted with on a professional level were all great people. But on one of the nights off, we made the mistake of going out to celebrate some of the crew member’s birthdays.

The first bar we went to was a kareoke bar. We sat down, ordered a few Canadian beers and sat back to enjoy the show. It was only then that we realized that the cast of singers all had some sort of disability. In fact, it was as if a special needs field trip had gotten lost and taken these people to a kareoke bar for the night. Singer after singer got up there with some sort of serious legitimate mental handicap or other personal issue. It was just… odd. Awesome for these singers that they were out and living it up- but just not what you typically see in a bar setting.

“Hey you!” I heard an old man speaking loudly. I assumed he couldn’t be talking to me, I mean, I don’t even know any old men in Moose Jaw.

“You there. In the Metallica shirt.” Yep. He was definitely talking to me.

“You want to step outside and fight?” I looked back at him. he was 70.

I smiled, looked at my watched, and smiled again. “Nah. That’s OK, thank you.”

He looked at the rest of the crew sitting around me. “What about them? Anybody here want to fight?”

“Nah, man. They’re good. But thank you.” I said.

And he left. He wandered over to another table. And eventually… yes. He found another guy who obliged him outside in a fight. It was sorta sweet… in that Moose Jaw sorta way.

Before I could get invited to any more fights or watch any more of my favorite Celine Dion songs get raped on stage… my group and I left and went to a different bar.

This one was way classier and had much more happening. Like the knife fight on the street in front of the entrance. We made our way past that unscathed, but inside it was all of the worst nights of college drinking rolled into one bar. There was not a person in there that wasn’t HAMMERED beyond HAMMERED. And I’m not talking about loud, obnoxious drunks or crying girls saying “am I fat?!” over and over again. I mean- fall down, piss drunk, ‘where the fuck did my teeth go’ sort of wasted. As we’d say in Boston: “These dudes were fahkin’ COCKED, kid!” Within the next 20 minutes we saw FOUR other fights break out.

One of them was between a dude and himself.

He lost.

Cory (one of my producing partners at ArieScope) decided that he was going to stay behind and crash with one of the camera crew guys as (being from Montana) I think he actually felt a touch of home in that bar. He handed me the keys and told me to just drive back to Regina without him.

I said my goodbyes and got me the fuck out of there. I’d like to say that the night’s weirdness was over- but it wasn’t. I had to drive an hour back to Regina with two Serbian girls that our DP had picked up at church (??!?). Lovely women and quite funny- but once they learned that I had been with my girlfriend for several years they were outraged that I hadn’t asked her to marry me yet. So I got chastised the whole way home and schooled on Serbian ways.

Mint.

I dropped off Team Serbia and finally found my creepy house with the evil basement. I had to piss so bad I could taste it, so I ran up the steps to the door.

Only then did I realize that Cory had only given me the car keys. There were no HOUSE KEYS on the key ring anymore. So I called him. And called him. And called him. It was 4am and he wasn’t answering. So I pissed on the front lawn (take that Dead Kids!) and I went to find a hotel. I would have slept in the car- but it was -7 out and that just wasn’t going to work.

$150 later, I was in a bed in a hotel room, shutting off the light and going to sleep. (How the fuck any hotel in Regina gets off charging a dude $150 for a room in a Comfort Inn at 5am on a Sunday morning- I don’t know. But this guy did.) It was only then that I noticed the text from Cory. “DUDE. HOUSE KEYS ARE IN THE DOOR POCKET.”

Fuck you, Cory.

I leave you all now with a collection of set web greetings that we did for a few of the horror websites while we were shooting. Enjoy and I hope that everyone’s summers are off to a great start. Lots of news is coming soon but for now, I’m off to write a new movie for D.C. Comics/Warner Brothers about a certain Super Hero that lives in the sea. More on that in a few…

Scream bloody gore-
Adam

It’s a girl!

No, no, no- don’t get excited.  Rileah and I didn’t have a baby and there is not one on the way.  (Um…if there’s something I don’t know, Rileah…please don’t leave it as a comment on here, OK?  Just like…tell me when I get home?)

As it was announced in The Hollywood Reporter today, my company ARIESCOPE PICTURES will be producing the new horror film GRACE for first time writer/director Paul Solet.  Without giving away too much, the movie is about a woman (played by CABIN FEVER’s Jordan Ladd) who’s baby tragically dies in the womb.  When she decides to carry it to term anyway, the baby is actually born alive…and seriously disturbing creepiness ensues.  You guys are gonna LOVE this one.  And for all of the women out there who have given birth to dead babies and had them come back to life…this one’s for you.

Before I go any further with this blog- I do want to invite you all to check out Paul Solet’s MySpace page, located in my Top Friends.  Give him an “add” and start watching and supporting as this extremely talented guy becomes a rising star.

Inevitably, I am going to get slammed with messages from hundreds of aspiring filmmakers asking me “why him and not me?” or thinking that I am the one who can get their project made.  It would take hours to try and explain exactly how the process works and unfortunatey, hours are not something that I have.  Not to mention the fact that I am by no means a ‘film school’ or Oz’s man behind the curtain who can explain how it all works. But here’s what I can tell you about this particular story:

I was at the Fangoria Weekend of Horrors 2006 while appearing to promote HATCHET.  (We had just finished shooting it.)  While I was there, a very close friend of mine (Spooky Dan) mentioned to me that he was heading in to the panel hall to see a short film called GRACE which he had done some visual FX for.  Though I wanted to go in with him, I was very busy talking to horror fans and figured I could see it another time.  Then I noticed more friends making their way in to the panel hall, including Eli Roth who was specifically only there to see GRACE and then get back to work.  Turns out Eli was a childhood friend of Solet’s and was kind enough to advise and inspire him through the making of the short film.  But then I saw a guy walking around with a dead baby in his arms, also heading into the panel hall.  It didn’t take long to figure out that it was the director.  I was in.  What could ten minutes hurt, right?  Needless to say, I loved it.  I walked away thinking, “That kid’s on his way! Awesome.”

Cut to 3 months later, at another horror convention of far less stature.  It was their first convention and sadly- the turnout was very, very low as there was no awareness.  My director of Photography Will Barratt, Hatchet’s composer Andy Garfield, star Joleigh Fioreavanti and I were bored at our autographing table.  Actually, that’s a lie.  We were all staring at Laura Ortiz (from the HILLS HAVE EYES remake) and trying to figure out what a cute 12 year old girl was doing at a horror convention.  She seemed to look just right for a comedy that I am directing soon, so I went up to find out what her deal is.  When I got back to the HATCHET table…Will asked me if I had seen the weird guy with the dead baby passing out fliers for his short film.  In less than a minute I had him convinced to go check out GRACE.  He did.  He loved it.

Cut ahead one month later to yet ANOTHER horror convention- this time on the East Coast.  I was talking to my friends from ICONS OF FRIGHT and one of them was mentioning how he had done some make-up FX work on a cool short film.  “What short film?”  I asked.  “It was called GRACE.”  I mentioned how much I enjoyed it and within seconds- they had handed me a DVD of the short and the director’s contact info.  They couldn’t say enough about the feature length version screenplay and insisted that I check it out as I would love it.

I watched it yet again, but this time there was a special “making of” where I could really watch Solet work and see who the guy really was.  As I base all of my decisions with my own projects- I only work with people that I want to hang out and be friends with.  And this dude fit the bill.  So I caved and I asked Solet to send me his screenplay.

I’m not going to lie, I had someone else at ArieScope (Jason, who covers everything first) read the script.  He loved it and his coverage was glowing.  Finally, I read it.  And well- a year and a half later…here we are just 4 days away from principal photography.  ArieScope brought the project to our friends at Anchor Bay.  They got behind it and brought on Leomax Pictures as co-financeers…and together we are all giving birth to baby GRACE.

Taking all of the fateful coincidences out of the picture- what Paul did right is that he had a feature screenplay that he believed in.  Rather than blindly submitting it around (because he thought it was great and he wanted to make it) and getting passed on, he started to put a package together and he EARNED each step along the way.  He had a compelling short film that was essentially his first act condensed into 4 minutes.  It was a short that left you wanting to see more.  The short was accepted to DOZENS of film festivals, won awards, garnered critical acclaim, and eventually- the eye of people who were in a position to try and help make it happen.  He did all of the conventions and he did the festival circuit…wandering around with a dead baby in his arms passing out fliers and asking folks politey to give his film a watch.  So when you ask “how did he do it”…that’s the VERY short story of how he spent the past 4 years trying to get his film made.  And as everyone who reads these blogs knows- nothing impresses me more than artists who have CLASS and the drive to do it themselves rather than waiting for a hand-out or wasting time bitching about how the system is “unfair” and Hollywood only makes crap.  While I am glad to have been able to use what clout I may have to help get the film taken seriously and financed- it is Paul Solet who did the hard work and who is the one who is going to make an amazing movie.  Because if he doesn’t…Victor Crowley will cut his head off.  No pressure.

Before you write to me asking for advice, I recommend a book called THE WRITER’S GUIDE TO PRODUCERS, DIRECTORS, AND SCREENWRTER’S AGENTS by Skip Press.  It is fairly dated now, but it is the first book I ever found that truly details the ins and outs of submitting your material the appropriate way- both legally and professionally.  Hell, it even lists some real contact info at the end of it.  So before you say “that’s bullshit that no one will read my stuff”…read up on WHY they won’t.  Then figure out your way around it.

Anyway- three cheers for Paul Solet- another little guy who made it happen and who deserves everything he has coming his way.  You should see what a pro he is and how much his crew already adores him.  I wish there was a word stronger than “proud”, because that’s what I am.  And I’m honored to be a part of it.

So, all of that being said…here I am in Regina, Canada (which is pronounced like “Vagina” and makes me giggle.)  Though the people are wonderful- the food is…not so much.  Last night I got some lasagna and it was simply noodles, tomato sauce, and melted slices of Kraft American cheese on top.  Thank God for peanut butter and jelly and Cocoa Pebbles.  I’m sure I’ll be full of observations about Canada and the towns of Moose Jaw and Regina by the time I leave…but for now let me just tell you about the house I am living in up here…

I am staying in an older house by myself.  It’s a terrific house and I’m very happy to be here.  However, I watch way too many horror movies and it’s finally hit the point of scaring me.  (Thanks a lot, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY.)  My first night here, I shut off the lights and then started hearing creaking and banging in the house.  Now, during the daytime it would easily be dismissed as the house settling or the heat turning on.  But at night, alone?  It could be nothing else but the ghosts of dead children who were murdered in the basement coming up the stairs to get me.  I mean, after all…what am I, stupid?  Do you not think I realize that a beautiful house like this does not get “rented out” unless people are afraid to live in it because of “what happened”?  Sorry folks, but I’m smarter than that and there was no way I was going to let “them” get me.  Those silly Reginians tried setting me up as a sacrifice to the ghosts of the dead children!  Not this time, buddy!

So I sat up in bed and yelled out “I know you are out there dead children! And I’ll have you know that not only am I not scared of you- but that the power of Christ compels you!”  (I’ve seen enough horror movies to know how to stop this sort of shit.)  And that’s how I spent my entire night.  Not sleeping- but shouting insults at the evil out-of-body entities that were trying to snatch my soul in my sleep.  “That’s right..you!  In the closet!  I can see you!  You’re not sneaking up on anyone, Pal!”  Stupid dead kids and their spooky antics.

I was tired the next day having not slept a wink.  But I am alive.  Goddamnit, I am alive.  And those creepy dead fuckers haven’t gotten me yet.

I think I have it under control- but if someone could please summon TAPS…I could use their services up here in Regina.  (Heh-heh…”Regina”!)

There’s many more Canadian experiences to share and TONS of news on upcoming projects coming real, real soon.  So check back often.  And in the meantime- I’m off to research about the Indian burial ground underneath my house.  There were Indians in Regina, right?  Weren’t they the “Brave Regina’s”?  (Haha!)

Love to you all-

Green

As you all know, Joel David Moore is one of my closest friends having made 2 films with him now (and even co-directing one of them together). A lot of you also probably know that he originally started out as an incredible commercial actor before blowing up into a movie star and doing such favorites as Dodgeball, Grandma’s Boy, Hatchet, and coming next year…James Cameron’s Avatar. I know I am not alone when I say that this guy is an absolute riot and that I am a fan of everything he’s ever done in any format.

The following GEM that my friend Jason Miller sent me has got to be one of the funniest things Joel David Moore ever did that you probably never saw. I’ve thought long and hard about what my intro to this one would be…but words just won’t do it justice.

Enjoy…

I’m not quite sure why it was so hard for everyone to watch them all on the American Eagle site…but after numerous requests, here they are all in one place.  I also included the “MAKING OF” for those who never saw it.

Enjoy!
-Adam

THE MAKING OF WINTER TALES

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS – Featuring Milo Ventimiglia

SNOWMAN – Featuring Lil Jon

GIFTS – Featuring Kristen Bell

DEVIL’S PEAK – Featuring Pete Wentz

MISTELTOE – Featuring Adrianne Palicki

Hello everyone!  I know, I know- I have fully sucked at updating these blogs for a solid 2 months now.  I kept saying that once the HATCHET whirlwind died down that I would finally compile my “end of tour wrap up” – but in typical “me” fashion I didn’t even take a day off before diving right in to a few more projects.  Who cares what 9 out of 10 doctors say?  Good health and sleep are over-rated!

This week the final episode of the MALL WORLD series aired on MTV- and I’ve already gotten a ton of mail yelling at me personally for it ending.  Sorry to have ruined so many people’s Wednesday nights- but hey, at least I didn’t murder everyone in the cast this time around, right?  So without saying too much- that means they could very well be back.  But more on that if and when I’m allowed to say more on that.

In the meantime, I’ve once again partnered up with my close friends at DiVide (Milo Ventimiglia and Russ Cundiff) and American Eagle and we’ve been working all summer and fall long to bring you a new short film series- just in time for the holidays.  And even more exciting- this time it’s claymation!  I can’t say any more just yet- but know that you won’t have to wait long for what is coming next.  No details- but here’s a glimpse…

And as if that wasn’t enough, I will also be taking on a project immediately following that one that will bring me back down to the swamps of Louisiana again, so I’ve been prepping that one, too.  Before everyone wets their pants- NO, IT ISN’T HATCHET 2.  But yeah- you guessed it- I can’t spill any details on what I’ve been up to down in Louisiana just yet.  (See?  This is why I haven’t been writing in on these blogs!  It’s not much fun to write about stuff that you’re not allowed to write about yet.)

In even more good news and to answer one of the most common questions I am getting- YES- there will OF COURSE be a new Halloween short film for 2007.  It doesn’t matter how busy I am- I can’t let a decade-long tradition die.  It will be unveiled for the world on my website (www.ariescope.com) next week, but I will of course announce it here, too.  I’m EXTREMELY excited for this one and I think you’re all gonna enjoy the hell out of it.

So you see?  Instead of recouping from my three year world-wide battle alongside Victor Crowley, I jumped right back into work.  As Ozzy once said “no rest for the wicked.”  Or was that not Ozzy who said that first?  Probably not as if he said it first no one would have understood what he said.  I sincerely apologize to all of you for how bad I’ve been at writing back and for the fact that my mail function has permanently been put on “away”- but if you had any idea the hours I was pulling each day and how long it’s been since I had a moment to myself…you’d understand.  I’m hoping to take some time around the holidays to update everyone on things- but between my professional and personal life, I don’t even know what the hell is going on with me anyway.  Lots of big changes- but all good stuff.

I’ll be posting a new blog next week when I reveal this year’s Halloween short film- but in the meantime I thought I’d leave you with ALL 13 EPISODES OF MALL WORLD for your viewing pleasure.  And of course, if you go to MTV.com or AE.com you’ll find all kinds of cool behind the scenes clips- including a piece from the premiere last July.

Much love to you all.  If you can, please send me some relaxation CDs, pornography, and bug spray.  (In that order.)

-Green

IT’S A MALL WORLD – Episode 1

IT’S A MALL WORLD – Episode 2

IT’S A MALL WORLD – Episode 3

IT’S A MALL WORLD – Episode 4

IT’S A MALL WORLD – Episode 5

IT’S A MALL WORLD – Episode 6

IT’S A MALL WORLD – Episode 7

IT’S A MALL WORLD – Episode 8

IT’S A MALL WORLD – Episode 9

IT’S A MALL WORLD – Episode 10

IT’S A MALL WORLD – Episode 11

IT’S A MALL WORLD – Episode 12

IT’S A MALL WORLD – Episode 13 (Finale)

Looks like I’m gonna have to steal this guy for ArieScope Pictures, huh?

To EVERYONE on our team at Anchor Bay who is working so far beyond their means to make things happen for HATCHET- THANK YOU.  And to Jonathan Saba…the next bottle of J.D. is on me.

This time, let’s drink some of it.

I finished up my appearance in Toronto and I was on my way back to the airport at the crack of ass the next morning to go to Chicago for the “Flashback Weekend” horror convention.  For those that are regular readers of these blogs- you’ll know how me, planes, and Chicago just don’t mix.  Bad things happen to me when I have to fly anywhere near the windy city.  Evil things.

But this one time…nothing went wrong.  And I mean- NOTHING.  No kids throwing up in see-through ziplock bags.  No smelly passengers next to me.  No little Asian girl smacking me in the face with her Barbie Doll and shouting “now she’s got a boyfriend!”  No getting hit on my arm with a milky white substance after hearing groans from the seat in front of me.  Nothing bad happened on this quick 2 hour flight.

Flashback Weekend was an absolute blast.  Largely in part to the fact that unlike some of the other horror conventions I have appeared at, this one is run by a husband and wife team who are purely and simply FANS.  It wasn’t some big corporate scam and everyone from the guests to the fans was treated like they were personal friends.  And then of course there are the Chicago fans- who were just terrific.  When you agree to go to one of these things- you go to talk to people and to meet and mingle with the fans.  While some ‘horror celebs’ charge for autographs and sell merchandise- I do not.  I am there to do my part in spreading the word about HATCHET and to spend quality face time with the fans.  Unfortunately, in some cities (mainly other countries) you sometimes find that the fans are not all that personable.  They stare at you from a few feet away and snap pictures or do quick drive-bys for autgraphs without saying a word to you and you sort of feel like you’re on display.  But in Chicago, Joleigh and I had a non-stop circle of people around our table shooting the shit with us about HATCHET and all things horror.  We got to meet a TON of awesome people and there was never a dull moment in our 3 days there.

On Friday and Saturday night Joleigh Fioreavanti, Robert Englund, and I introduced a scene from HATCHET before the outdoor screenings of “Freddy Vs. Jason” and “A Nightmare On Elm Street”.  During the day on Saturday we did a full-on panel for HATCHET.

The panels are always my favorite part of these conventions.  It’s fun because you get to sort of put your money where your mouth is and actually SHOW some footage and talk about making the movie.  At the end, we always take questions from the audience.  One of the questions was asking me to please tell the “Dee Snider story”.  In the year and a half that I have been touring to support HATCHET, I have only told that story in front of a crowd a handful of times.  I told it before the Tribeca premiere, I told it in Montreal and I was going to tell it at Comic-Con…but in both Toronto and Chicago- it was actually requested.  The reason why I don’t always tell it is because it’s long and it takes up time where the other people on stage could be talking and I always doubt whether the audience actually WANTS to hear such a personal story about how I made HATCHET or if they’d rather have that time filled with more clips and questions.  But someone asked me and I launched into it.

I can’t even tell you how many letters, comments, and emails I have gotten because of that moment in Chicago.  Whether my story inspired someone who was a frustrated struggling artist themselves who needed to hear that good things actually CAN happen for people every now and then…or whether it touched someone on an even deeper level because they needed to hear some positive inspiration to help them get a handle on their own internal personal struggles…the response from the Chicago crowd was huge.  So again, to the man in the audience who asked that I tell it…thanks.  Because it made a difference for a lot of people in that crowd and I never would have done it if you hadn’t asked me to.

But enough of the sensitive stuff.  Later in the day on Saturday, Joleigh and I went on a “Haunted House” field trip with a ‘scare-bus’ full of fans.  Dream Reapers Haunted House was a total blast.  My favorite part of it being that Joleigh- having survived a month in a swamp being hunted by Victor Crowley and being brutally murdered in one of the greatest on-camera death scenes ever…almost lost her shit 10 feet into the maze because there were some RUBBER RATS on one of the shelves.  That kept me laughing until the very end of the haunted house.

Later that night we took part in a private meet-and-greet and had drinks with a small group of fans.  While we were there- Flashback Weekend had a professional photographer on set to give fans high quality photos with their favorite celebs.  But one look at the set-up had Joleigh and I cracking “prom” and “senior yearbook” photo jokes.

We just couldn’t resist…

On Sunday night we headed back to the airport as it was finally time to head back home.  On the way to the O’Hare airport I started telling Joleigh how great my flight in was- and that perhaps maybe the “Chicago Curse” had been lifted off of me finally.  But of course, we got through security only to find that our flight was going to be delayed several hours due to weather.  (It was 80 degrees and clear skies outside.)

So we saddled up to the bar and wound up hanging out with Jsu Garcia (who used to go by the name Nick Corri back in his Nightmare On Elm Street days).  Somehow the topic of how there is a remake of “Welcome Back, Kotter” in the works came up and we started a healthy debate on whether or not it would be cooler if they brought back ALL of the old sweat hogs and made it a reunion- rather than trying to re-start it with new actors.  But then it came up that Gabe Kaplan is dead, so a reunion would not even be possible.

Joleigh: “Really?  He’s dead?  That’s sad.”

Adam: “I know.  Gabe Kaplan was awesome.”

Jsu: “Wait- hold on….Excuse me, sir?  Hey- we were just talking about you.”

Mr. Kaplan: “Well, hello there.  Nice to meet you!”

Gabe Kaplan just HAPPENED to be walking by us at that precise moment in the Chicago Airport.

Adam: “See?!  He’s not dead!”

Mr. Kaplan: “….”

So we shook hands with Mr. Kaplan (biggest highlight of my weekend- no offense to the horror celebs at Flashback Weekend) and we were boarding our plane.  After some mechanical malfunctions that kept us waiting for an extra 20 minutes or so (fuck you, Chicago) we were in the air…and fast asleep.

I got to spend 2 days at home frantically working on my million other projects and trying to spend some time with Rileah who’s incredibly busy with her own stuff- and then I was off to Comic-Con in San Diego.  For those that have never been…I’m not quite sure how you explain it.  Basicaly, Comic-Con started off as a comic book convention for die hard comic fans.  But then Hollywood figured out that they could swoop down on their good time and rape the shit out of their coveted convention and make it one giant marketing orgy.  And now in 2007…that is pretty much all that Comic-Con is.  Every inch of space is used to try and market some new film or TV show.  (And I think we saw a small table selling comics somewhere in the back alley.)  It is the mecca of Hollywood- and if your film isn’t represented there somewhere…well then you’re shit out of luck.

A year ago after HATCHET premiered at Tribeca and was starting to tear up the film festival circuit, we asked if we could have a panel there.  Comic-Con laughed at us.

This year they came to us.

Getting the majority of the cast back together again went from a heartfelt reunion- to debauchery in about 5 minutes.  Thankfully we pretty much had our own restaurant blocked off for ourselves the first night so we didn’t bother anyone else.  With Deon Richmond and Tony Todd at the head of the table- I don’t think anyone stopped laughing for a second.  Deon kept trying to take pictures, but somehow a piece of Tony wound up in every single photo.  Whether it was a hand, a shoulder, a piece of his head…the guy is just so big and animated he was somehow everywhere.  And then Joleigh randomly remembered how Whitney Houston would yell “Bo-bbyyyyyy!” on her Whitney/Bobby reality show.  And that was it.  Every 5 seconds for the rest of the night…”Bo-bbyyyyyy!”

The next day was our big panel.  We were frightened to see that they had put us in one of the giant rooms that holds more than 2,000 people.  At a horror convention?  No problem.  HATCHET could fill that room and then some.  But when you’re the only independent movie up against panels for major TV shows and huge budget action/adventure franchise films?  No way.

Before taking the stage I was asked to please watch my language and “keep it in check” as this is a family crowd.  So I (of course) went running out on stage with a huge “SAN DI-FUCKING-EGO, LET ME HEAR YOU!!”  And I was shocked to see that not only was the room filled…there were people standing along the sides and out in the hall!

As planned, I launched right into an abbreviated version of the “Dee Snider Story”.  Time contraints were so big that I had to cut an 8 minute story down to 4 minutes and rush through it as quickly as possible.  But once I got to the end, it was all worth it.

Now we had advertised it on MySpace and the web…but to the average person in attendance that day…they had no idea what was coming.

Adam : “So now I’d like to bring up the host of today’s panel.  The man who put the “sick”, “mother”, and the “fucker” in the phrase SICK MOTHER FUCKER…”

And people started getting on their feet.

Adam: “DEE FUCKING SNIDER!!!!”

And just like that- the crowd went absolutely apeshit and the panel was off and running.  Sadly, Comic-Con would not let me show anything violent or gory…so our presentation was SEVERELY neutered.  All we could show was a scene of Victor Crowley chasing the cast through a cemetery.  Awesome.  But all in all- we all had a blast and the crowd was giving back everything that we were giving out.  If you were a horror fan at Comic-Con…it was definitely the highlight of the weekend.

After our panel we were ushered off into a press room for about 3 hours.  Telling stories, doing interviews, giving quotes…you name it.

But meanwhile…on the convention floor…the HATCHET ARMY was taking over the entire convention.  We had fans marching down the aisles chanting “Crowley! Crowley!”, passing out homemade fliers, cheering at the premiere of the new trailer, and showing their support in all kinds of ways.

For instance, Milo Ventimiglia from HEROES showed his support by sporting his HATCHET ARMY shirt…

While WRONG TURN 2 director Joe Lynch helped out by standing in the Starz/Anchor Bay booth and pointing out our poster in a non-offensive way…

HATCHET ARMY Soldier Joe and Victor Crowley himself (Kane Hodder) wore their colors proudly…

And Rileah and Deon represented the HATCHET ARMY as well…

The partying continued deep, deep into the night.  It was a great time and I got to meet everyone from the coolest of die-hard fans, to journalists I admire, to big-time celebs.  At 1:30am though- the bars were closed and the party was supposed to be over.  That is until Jon from Anchor Bay decided that he would take a cab to the store and bring back some more drinks for everyone back at the hotel.  It sounded like a good idea at the time…

So we’re all standing outside of the hotel waiting for Jon to get back when we see his cab approach.  He jumps out (in front of a crowd of DOZENS of people) and triumphantly holds up a huge bottle of Jack Daniels.

Jon: “Look what I got- – -”

CRASH!!  He drops it on the ground next to the cab and we all watch (and laugh) in horror as his efforts spill out all over the ground in front of him.  Honestly, it was worth it.  As frustrating as it must have been for our friend Jon- watching that happen was WAY more fun than drinking it ever could have been.  It made him the MVP of the weekend.

The next morning I was off and running back to Los Angeles to co-host Dee Snider’s radio show on Fangoria Radio.  (You can listen to sound bytes at www.fangoriaradio.com) And then I found myself with 2 days free to get my life in order and again, frantically work on my non-HATCHET related projects.

But the July leg of the tour was still not over.  The world premiere of IT’S A MALL WORLD still had to happen.  The short film series was premiering on MTV the next night- so American Eagle Outfitters threw a HUGE star-studded gala premiere at the Cinerama Dome in Hollywood.  It was insane!

Limos, stars, and tons of friends all filled up the giant dome on Sunset Blvd. and we watched about 8 or 9 of the 13 short films together as an audience.  They played great and the audience laughed their heads off.

Director Milo Ventimiglia, American Eagle’s Kathy Savitt, and Writer Adam Green

I was happy to see my HATCHET family members also show up to the premiere and represent the movie on the carpet…

After the premiere we celebrated deep into the night and from what we have been hearing- the short film series is getting an unbelievable response both from MTV’s viewers and the Amercian Eagle website viewers.  We are already talking about bigger and bigger things for the future…

As I prepare to take a much needed 5 days off at an undisclosed location with Rileah…I wanted to leave you with the first episode of MALL WORLD (for those that didn’t catch it yet.)  August will find me over seas again and it will be the hardest, craziest days for me yet.  Just 5 more weeks until Victor Crowley is unleashed on American theaters.  Will the fans really rally and show up?  Will we be the triumphant story of the little indie that showed Hollywood how to do horror?  That’s all up to you guys…

Love and gore to you all!  Be back on in a few…

-Adam

Click here to watch the first episode of IT’S A MALL WORLD: http://youtube.com/watch?v=CdoldVm8V5E

Episodes can be seen Wednesday nights at 10pm during MTV’s REAL WORLD SYDNEY and on www.ae.com .

After my trip back in time to summer camp- the next stop on my tour was Las Vegas.  Each year, the distribution industry converges on Vegas for a solid week of film/video conferences and shows.  It’s not only a great way for each studio and distribution company to start showing off their line of upcoming releases and have face to face meetings with all of their various sales reps and department heads…but it’s also a great way to encourage such solid behavior as inter-office romances, gambling habbits, and public drunkeness.  I remember when I used to make cable commercials for Time Warner Cable in Boston- and all they would have to do is merely take us all out to a restaurant for us to start acting like high school kids again…so you can only imagine the level of debouchery that takes place when you fly a whole company to Las Vegas for a week.  So all over town you’d see various execs enjoying the spoils of Vegas while wearing their distributor badges around their necks…and you’d just have to wonder who they really are at home.  Ah…Vegas.

HATCHET’s distributor (STARZ / Anchor Bay) was having a big ‘Hatchet-themed’ party at the top of the Palms Hotel and Casino in a club called “Moon”.  So a few of the cast members and I wanted to show up and support our new home and meet everyone face to face.  I got there the day before and hosted an ultra private screening of HATCHET for the STARZ team who had not yet seen the film.  I spoke for about 20 minutes and was pleased to see that their level of excitement matched my own by the end.  But the next day it was time for the party…

The night began with us waiting in the lobby of our hotel for the limo to come pick us up.  At some point while we were waiting, Joleigh Fioreavanti mentioned that she didn’t get a chance to eat before she got there.  She also pointed out how she was just finishing up a week on antibiotics getting over some sort of cold.  (Stop me if you can already see where this is going.)  The limo arrived and we piled in.

We showed up to do the press/photo line just as the party was getting started.  And WOW, what a party it was.  On the way up the 50-odd story elevator there was a TV with an image of the HATCHET poster.  Then, as the doors prepared to open…Victor Crowley’s bloody hatchet jumped up into frame.  You’d think we would have seen that stuff enough by now…but no.  We were more impressed than anyone!  At the actual party there were waitresses wearing cut up HATCHET ARMY shirts and serving ‘Hatchet-tinis” (blood red drinks filled with all kinds of good toxic stuff).

Mercedes: “Joleigh, are you sure you should have one of those?  You didn’t eat anything yet.”

Joleigh: “I’ll be fine.”

On the giant moon roof above the club, clips from the movie were showing at random.  We stopped to watch, but then my publicist grabbed me to tell me that Jeff Goldblum had arrived.

See, Jeff Goldblum is one of my favorite actors.  He’s also someone that I used to impersonate in my stand-up act, almost nightly.  But any time I had been to a party that he was at, I always missed him.  So I ran over to meet him.  Now, I don’t get star struck anymore.  I meet celebs and industry big-wigs all of the time…but every now and then, it still happens.  And it’s always with the weirdest people!  For instance, I had a meeting with Amanda Bynes last year about a potential project that we may have worked on together.  I meet rocks stars, Hollywood icons, you name it…but the second Amanda walked over to shake my hand I became absolutely 100% retarded.  To this day I can’t figure out why that happened…but I’m guessing that it had something to do with the fact that A) the girl is five times as cute in real life as she appears on the screen and B) she is so incredibly intelligent and well spoken that you just don’t expect it coming from a (at the time) 20 year old girl.  So she spoke a little bit about the script and I said random stupid things that I don’t remember like “duh” and a lot of “ums”.  I think at one point I spouted out that I have a cat and she just stared at me, confused.  Needless to say I was so disappointed in myself afterwords.  I mean- I can have a conversation with Slash…but I turn into a 3rd grade idiot around Amanda Bynes??  I promised that would never happen again.

Enter Jeff Goldblum.

Jeff: “Hello!  Congratulations on Hatchet!”

Me: “Uh…th-th-thanks.  I…uh…you know…you’re wicked tall.  I…um…Hatchet was in Tribeca when your…uh…movie…was-was-was…Philadelphia.”

Jeff.  “….”

Me: “I mean- Pittsburgh!  Pittsburgh!  Duh!  Why would I say-say-say Philadelphia?  That’s like- that’s like- I mean, mean, mean…look!  I’m-I’m-I’m talking like, like…you!”

Jeff: “…”

Me: “Um…”

Jeff: “Well, best of luck with Hatchet, really, congratulations.”

Me: “Thanks.”

And like that…the moment was over.  I was feeling like a pretty big stain until I heard that there was an actual ‘Hatchet Ice Louge’ upstairs where you could do frozen shots.  I was ready to throw back a shot and mellow out from my embarassment.  But – COME ON!?  The man played Ian Malcolm for Christ sakes!  “Dino- droppings?-droppings?”

So we get to the Hatchet Ice-Louge and we all had a shot.  I asked Rileah, “Hey, have you seen Joleigh and Mercedes?”  Apparently they had already been to the ice louge…and now they were gone.  Hmmm…odd.

The rest of the night was a blast.  Lots of mingling, a little dancing, a visit to the Playboy casino club, and finally a stop in a hotel room that had a window into the shower…which also had a stripper pole and flashing lights in it.  (Long story.)

As it turns out…poor Joleigh had cracked her face open on the side of a toilet bowl and was on her way to the hospital to get her beautiful face stitched back together.  This girl is amazing.  You could throw her a pillow- and she’d somehow hurt herself.  But it wasn’t until I caught up with her again in Chicago that I found out what had happened.  The good news is that she’s fine, her face is still perfect, and it’s all just one big funny story now.  But let this be a lesson to you…no food, antibiotics, and ‘Hatchet-tinis’ do not mix.  One of the best things about Joleigh is that she is just as tough as she is fun- and by the time I saw her in Chicago (3 days later) she was already laughing about it.

From Vegas I headed up to Toronto for a full day of press and a Rue-Morgue sponsored HATCHET screening.  Holy shit was that a loooong day.  I lost track of how many TV interviews I did- but it was a lot.  The funniest part of it all is…did you ever see when David Spade did that segment where he cut together 10 different interviews of Vin Diesel giving the exact same answer to the same question 10 times?  I always thought that was funny.  Until it happened to me.  I mean, how many different ways can I answer the question “Where did the story of Hatchet-face come from?”  So Vin Diesel…I’m sorry I laughed at you.

The high-light of the day was being the guest on MTV LIVE (which is sort of the Canadian equivalent to TRL here).  MTV is supposed to be sending me the segment, which I will promptly post here when it arrives.  But how surreal to be sitting on the guest couch (surrounded by teenage boys and girls) and watching clips from Hatchet on the screen while they all cheer and clap?  I don’t even remember being there now- so it’ll be fun to see what stupid things I probably said.  (Thank God that Amanda Bynes was not the host.)  I do recall the VJ (or whatever they call those MTV on-air personalities these days) calling Victor Crowley “Victor Crohwley” which made me want to belt sand him…but the guy was just too nice to hold it against him.  I was like “Damn, dude!  I work my whole life on this character and I get my 3 minutes on MTV and you pronounce his name wrong??!”  But I ignored it because he and his co-host were just so awesome.

…Then I waited in the alley behind the studio and kicked his teeth in later that night.

So I get to this pre-party for the HATCHET screening.  I’m exhausted, I’m starving, and I have to pee like you read about.  As some of you know from my short film “STAGEFRIGHT”…me and public toilets just don’t mix.  So I’m sort of dancing around the party, shaking hands, taking pictures, and begging for food.  And then it was off to the screening.

I’ve blogged enough about Hatchet screenings so I’ll keep this one short.  The crowd was fucking great- the film got a tremendous response- and the Q & A was a blast as usual.  But my favorite part is always signing for the people who stick around late night to meet me.  It’s so much more personal to get to shake someone’s hand and look them directly in the eyes- rather than standing on a stage and talking to a full theater.

The one negative side of the Toronto screening was that there was an upstairs balcony that had to be opened when the floor over sold.  And sure enough- a team of Statler and Waldorfs from the muppets found their way up there right away.

One of the best parts about being me right now- is that until I’ve gotten up and done the Q&A…most horror fans don’t know what I look like.  I’m not that recognizable if you haven’t already met me.  So I get to mingle through the crowd and eavesdrop on what they are saying.  Since there were no available seats on the floor- I wound up sitting upstairs in the blacony with a group of old guys from the muppets.  Before it even started… “Fuck this movie.  Why the fuck does everyone like this?  It sucks.  Fuck this director.  I can’t believe this shit got made and mine can’t get funding.  This movie sucks.  I’m gonna get on-line and tear this thing apart as soon as I get home.  Let’s get our other awesome friends to trash it on-line, too.  I hope this movie bombs!”  And the opening credits weren’t even done yet.

And it’s like- god damnit.  I’m having the busiest summer of my life with this tour.  I find a way to fly my ass back up to Canada just to meet the fans and host this screening…and I wind up having to sit next to “Team Douchebag” who actually paid money to come in just to be dicks.  Their shit-talk began well before the movie even started.  And everytime the audience would laugh or cheer- they would scoff and call them all idiots.  Unfortunately, this is something that goes with the territory and it’s something I’ve already developed the world’s thickest skin for.  If you look at any of the web’s forums- every single movie has those trolls who write in “worst movie ever!” or some other brilliant thing they learned while beating off to the Simpsons in their mom’s basement.  It’s expected, it’s part of it, and you gotta just take it in stride.  I’m not there for them.  I’m there for the fans and that’s all that matters.  But these ass bags ruined the experience for everyone sitting around them.  I was so tired and grumpy from not eating that I actually did consider pulling one of them into the aisle and just beating the piss out of him…but that’s not me.  How funny would it be though if you were talking shit about a movie in a dark theater…only to realize that the director is sitting next to you and his arms are the size of your scrawny 15 year old body?  As funny as it would have been…it didn’t bother me THAT much.  But at the end of the day- that’s part of making movies and becoming whatever sort of level of ‘celebrity’ you want to say I’m at now.  I don’t read message boards, I don’t give a fuck what trash a few haters want to sling…I’m just enjoying every single second of it.  When HATCHET makes an entire theater go nuts, give it a standing ovation, and award it with the gold prize for  “Best Picture”…do you think I’m gonna let a few scabs ruin it?  No fucking way.  But even worse than the jealous jaded assholes- are the ones that are super nice to your face…only to turn around and sling lies and annonymous trash behind your back on-line.  Thankfully, I can just go to bed at night knowing that I’m doing what I want to do…and wishing for those people to get AIDS in their eyes while they sleep.  But seriously, what other profession has it that people get on-line and sling trash about you?  Does an accountant ever have to worry about looking on-line and seeing someone has said his calculations are the “worst numbers ever” or that his “figures are gay”?  Only in Hollywood…

But the fans I met in Toronto (much like the ones in Montreal) were just phenomenal.  So inspired, so passionate, and so fucking happy to be there.  It was a blast, the Rue-Morgue crew is absolutely top-notch, and the night was a ton of fun.  So I said goodbye to my friends at Anchor Bay Canada and I was off to Chicago for an appearance at Flashback Weekend…

More to come soon….

I had barely stepped off the plane from my unbelievable double-premiere weekend in Montreal and I was immediately on a boat sailing to Catalina Island to be the guest speaker at Catalina Sea Camp.  From time to time I am asked to come speak at a random high school, college, or other large gathering of young people.  And more so than the festivals, premieres, parties, conventions…this is the sort of thing that is ALWAYS the most rewarding in my opinion.  You can have some success- but it’s those moments where you get to go and make a positive impression on somebody else where you really feel good about what it is you do and what it is you have done.

A friend of mine named Paul (who some of you may know as the character “Gay Homeless Guy” in my old short film ‘THE REAL WORLD: HOLLYWOOD’) runs a marine biology camp located two and a half miles by water from the city of Avalon in Toyon Bay.  Originally built as a private boarding school in 1929, Toyon boasts modern, state-of-the-art laboratories, aquariums, classrooms and display areas with the untouched natural beauty of Catalina Island’s land and sea environments.  And yes, I copied and pasted that out of the program.

For years, Paul has asked me to come and tell the kids my story and share my experiences of going from 8-year old average kid at summer camp…to a destiny with a heavy metal idol…to stealing cable equipment…to eating leftovers off of dirty plates in the back of a restaurant…to taking on Hollywood…to…well, whatever you’d want to call me now.  But sadly, my schedule just never allows for it.  Well after catching up at a friend’s wedding this past Spring- I promised him that come hell or high water…I was going to visit the island this summer and do my big motivational song and dance.  (Technically, I cut the dance number after a wardrobe malfunction in front of the Salem Elementary School 1st Grade…but you get my point.)  So even though this is probably the toughest summer I’ve ever had in terms of non-stop touring and traveling…I stuck to my word and I stepped right off the plane and onto a boat.

Shockingly (for those who follow these blogs)…there was not one bad experience on the boat for me!  You’d think there would be some story about vomit, dead things, or getting stranded in O’Hare…but no.  Perfect trip!  I arrived and got to tour a bit of the island and see the facility.  And of course, I also got to educate myself on the local ghost stories and Catalina Sea Camp tales.

You wouldn’t believe this camp!  Scuba diving, sailing, cooking…I was shocked.  20 something years ago when my parents sent me to Camp Avoda (translated: CAMP WORK for those that know the story) they had my 8 year old ass scrubbing toilets and cleaning floors!  I walk into this camp and the kids are all like “Hey Adam Green, would you like a fresh smoothie?  After this we’re going to retire to the yacht and learn some more about the sea kelp.”  This was not the camp I remember.

I wanted to stay.  Forever.

But pretty soon- the sun was coming down and it was time for me to take the stage and do my thing.  I spoke to some 200 or more kids for about an hour and told them my whole story about how ambition and dreaming really can pay off (if you have Twisted Sister on your side, of course).  I showed clips from all of the various points in my life/career and shared all of my trials and tribulations going from Holliston to Hollywood.  I finished with my usual cheerleading of how no one- not a teacher, a parent, a cop, a boss, a bully…can ever stop them from achieving their dreams.  The best part was showing them the scene from HATCHET where Marybeth tells the story of Victor Crowley and the whole thing is shown in flashback.  A story that I made up and got punished for at camp 2 decades before…was now a real movie.

I answered a ton of questions and then got to meet a bunch of the kids for autographs, pictures, etc.  What an AWESOME group!  So smart, so appreciative, and so energized.  We hung out for far too short a time- and then it was off to bed.  At 7am the next morning I was on another boat and heading back to my real adult life yet again.

In my less than 24-hours at summer camp- it was a good chance to take a deep breath and reflect on everything that’s gone on since I was in their shoes.  It’s been pretty crazy- but thank God for those years of being young, innocent, and full of dreams.

And thank God they still aren’t over for me.

For those of you that were expecting something a little more typical, dark, and funny out of an Adam Green blog…never fear.  My next stop is Vegas and I’m confident there will be material.  And by mid-week I’ll be back up to Canada to see if Toronto can put their money where their mouth is and show me a louder crowd than Montreal.  And then…I head back to the airport of doom…O’Hare Airport in Chicago…as Robert Englund, Joleigh Fioreavanti, and I destroy Flashback Weekend with a 3-day HATCHET presentation that is going to blow the windy city away.

And that’s just next week.

To the kids at Catalina Sea Camp…thanks for letting me briefly step back into somewhere safe again.  It was a good reminder that things are all right.

Things are all right.

“And when your deepest thoughts are broken

keep on dreamin’ boy

cause when you stop dreamin’

it’s time to die…”

-Shannon Hoon